


pick the stitches and unbind me

by swarmsoflizards



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Honest Hearts DLC, M/M, Mild Body Worship, Smut, this is just. a Lets Bang Joshua Graham fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 21:02:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16542185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swarmsoflizards/pseuds/swarmsoflizards
Summary: When the courier returns to Zion, he finds that maybe his hopeless crush on Joshua isn't as hopeless as he thought.





	pick the stitches and unbind me

**Author's Note:**

> can't believe i'm posting again so soon, but i guess that's what happens when it's nanowrimo and you don't wanna work on your project. i would like to state, FOR THE RECORD, that i started writing this far before venom came out, but it's okay if you're reading this and can't separate the name Eddie from Tom Hardy's luscious lips. it's okay. i understand.
> 
> title is from _take it out on me_ by white lies. _dig deep, where you're afraid to go / pick the stitches and unbind me / that kiss, that pain i need to know / every cut you feel defines me_

Returning to Zion carried with it the distinct impression of coming home after a long, trying day. The air felt different than it did in the Mojave, clearer, and breathing it in again made Eddie feel more at ease than he had in months. He couldn't pinpoint where on the trail it started, or even when he noticed, but at some point the subtle anxiety that pervaded the atmosphere of the Mojave was replaced by something more crisp and energizing.

Joining one of the Happy Trails caravans on its journey east was an easy decision to make. As soon as Eddie thought he could get away for a while without Vegas crumbling, he was perched on a wagon with a caravaneer. The desire to return had been eating at him almost since he got home in the first place, and he’d worked out the logistics of this trip weeks before he left. The idea of finally being back filled him with such a sense of joy that he fought himself back from grinning like a child as he thought of it. Of course, none of that joy had anything to do with seeing a certain war chief again. Definitely not.

Okay, well, maybe it did. That was still fine. Seeing Joshua would always be wonderful regardless of circumstances, and even if Joshua doesn't want their circumstances to change, it would still be wonderful.

Eddie didn't even know why he bothered lying to himself. Half the reason for this trip was to go back to a beautiful place where he felt comfortable and to get away from the stresses of his everyday life, but the other half was to see Joshua again and hopefully be able to do something about his feelings.

They were a part of almost everything he did; the decisions he made were all colored by thoughts of _what would Joshua say?_ and he frequently imagined them having theological or philosophical discussions. That's not to mention where his mind tended to stray at night, alone, with only his memories and right hand to keep him company.

Probably best to keep that out of their discussion.

As they got closer to the canyon proper and Eddie started recognizing the landmarks they passed, his excitement turned into a little knot of anxiety in his stomach. The Dead Horses and Sorrows would be overjoyed to see him, they just about told him as much before he left, but he wasn't entirely sure how Joshua would feel. They parted as friends, Eddie wouldn't have allowed anything less, but having a friend show up unannounced, say they're staying for a while, and then proposition you is… a lot.

A scout must have spotted them coming and reported back, because it seemed like half the tribe showed up to greet the caravan. Eddie greeted them in his rudimentary understanding of their language and they responded in kind, enthusiastically welcoming him and then ribbing him on his grammar. He let himself be swept up in the welcome party, answering questions they had and only exaggerating his stories a little. He pressed down his disappointment at not seeing Joshua as far as it would go as he greeted familiar faces for what seemed like ages.

Eventually they picked up and all traveled further into the canyon together, tribesmen helping maneuver the wagon around tough spots. Eddie walked in front with a couple of particularly curious Dead Horses, trying to explain New Vegas’ tourism economy to them. He wasn't sure how good of a job he was doing.

When they reached the camp, Eddie was overwhelmed by the sensation of homecoming. He knew he had missed Zion and the Dead Horses, but right now he felt like he was whole, like he had left a part of himself here and not noticed it was missing until it was fit back into place.

His heart was light as he was embraced by the rest of the Dead Horses. He showed them some of the goods the caravan had brought, and as they entertained themselves investigating the foreign products, Eddie pushed back his hat and gazed up at the caves pocking the rock face.

A figure shining white under the desert sun stood in the mouth of Angel Cave like he was made of stone as well, unmoving and unbothered by the sweltering heat.

Eddie excused himself from the caravan and picked his way towards the cave, easily falling back into the pattern of careful steps he had perfected his first time here. Joshua was gone from the entrance by the time he reached it, so with minimal hesitation Eddie went inside.

“Joshua,” he said, greeting the man standing in shadow inside the cave. “It's good to see you.”

“It is good to see you as well,” Joshua replied. “I wondered if you would return here, though I admit I didn't think it would be so soon.”

“I missed it here,” Eddie smiled. “The Mojave seemed duller when I returned home.”

“The city built on sin and corruption lost its luster? Difficult to believe.”

Eddie huffed a laugh. “Well, when you put it that way.” He scratched at his stubble, unsure of what to say next.

“I-”

“You-” they both began at the same time, then stopped. Joshua said, “Go ahead.”

Eddie cleared his throat. “I love it here,” he said, feeling a bit more pressure on his words now. Awkward after being away from each other for a while. “I'm very glad to be back. I’d stay forever if I could.”

Joshua blinked. “Truly?”

“Well, yeah. No gangs or families killing each other for no reason, no rich tourists dumping money into casinos, no Freesiders trying to shank me? That's deal enough, but there's something about it here. There's just an energy to it, I guess, that makes me feel good. I feel like I can just exist here away from the city and live in a different world for a while.”

Joshua creased his brow under his bandages. “Zion does have that quality to it, doesn't it. This place is special, Eduardo. Holy. I'm glad that it has shared some of its power with you.”

“Me too.” Eddie smiled. “Now, what were you going to say?”

Joshua cleared his throat. “I was simply going to remark on how happy you seem,” he said, making Eddie blink in surprise. “When I first met you, you were sunburnt and desperate for a way out of the canyon. You were better when you departed, but still anxious and weighted down with all that had happened here. You seem… refreshed.”

“I am,” he stammered. “I mean, I feel better. A lot better. And I don't know if you know this, but you certainly had a lot to do with it.”

“Me?” Joshua asked incredulously.

“Yeah. You helped me get my bearings when I first got here. Even after I left, I would find myself thinking about what you would say or do.” He swallowed nervously. “You… mean a lot to me, Joshua.”

“I… appreciate your candor.” Joshua said, seemingly not knowing what else to add.

Eddie wavered on the precipice. He could smile and duck out or steer the conversation into safer territory, pretending this had never happened, or he could put his cards on the table. Joshua, for his part, just seemed vaguely uncomfortable, not angry or upset.

He took a step closer. “I care about you, Joshua. An awful lot.”

Staring into his sky-blue eyes illuminated by flickering fire was reason enough to believe in Joshua’s god. Reading them wasn't the easiest, but Eddie thought he was decent at it most of the time. Right now, they were blank.

“Eduardo…” Joshua started, a slight edge in his voice. Something that urged caution.

Eddie was so close to him now, he was sure if it weren't for his bandages he’d be able to feel Joshua’s breaths. As it was, he could start to make out the details of the strip of scarred skin. The marbled texture called out to him, made him want to pull away the bandages to explore every inch of skin he could find.

“Joshua,” he replied, matching his low tone. “If you really want me to leave and pretend this never happened, I will.”

“I don't think you know what you're getting into, Eduardo.” The way he said his name sent shivers down Eddie’s spine. “You haven't seen me.”

“But I want to. So, so badly. Is it so hard to believe that I might want you?”

“Yes, it is.”

That stopped Eddie. “Honestly? Joshua, do you have no idea how you've driven me crazy since we first met? Your voice, your hands - half the tribe stares at your ass as soon as you turn around. You are,” he leaned in, “ _very_ attractive.”

Joshua squeezed his eyes shut. “You are very persistent.” His voice was raw, and Eddie thought he could hear a thread of desire in it.

“I have to be, since you're so stubborn.” He smiled. “May I touch you?”

Instead of responding, Joshua nodded tightly. Eddie brought his hand to Joshua’s bicep, trailing lightly along his sleeve until reaching his shoulder. His fingers skipped across the barrier of his vest to his collar, where he curled his hand to brush his neck and then cup his jaw, with his thumb resting at Joshua’s cheek.

He could tell when Joshua’s breathing hitched at the intimate touch, when he tensed a bit at the unfamiliarity. “If this is too much I can stop,” Eddie murmured, “but I would really like to kiss you.”

Joshua made eye contact with him, pupils expanded from a moment ago. Eddie could still sense his insecurity in the way he hesitated, but he reached up and tugged the bandages around his mouth free so that they hung at his chin.

Eddie grinned and leaned in to press his lips to Joshua’s. They were so soft, and the way they moved against his own set off a burst of happiness in his heart. He’d wanted this for so long, and now that it was finally happening it was so much better than he’d imagined. He had to restrain his smile in order to avoid breaking their kiss.

He adjusted his hand so that his palm pressed against the skin of Joshua’s jaw, delighting in the foreign texture of it. He wanted to run his hands over his whole body, familiarize himself with every whorl of scar tissue.

It pained Eddie to pull away but he did, wanting to check in with Joshua. Instead Joshua followed him back a moment later, this kiss less tentative, more urgent. Eddie’s other arm snaked its way around Joshua’s back and pressed him closer. This spurred Joshua to further action, one hand spread between Eddie’s shoulder blades and the other finding itself digging into his hair.

Joshua’s hot breath against Eddie’s mouth was what heaven felt like.

At some point they became pressed close to each other, chest-to-chest, and Eddie became hyper-aware of his erection pressing against Joshua’s thigh. He feared it would freak him out, but it seemed to do the opposite, with Joshua experimentally grinding their hips together in a way that made Eddie moan into his mouth.

“Joshua,” Eddie half-whispered half-moaned, the name all he could think. “Joshua.”

“Eduardo,” he replied, tone teasing but secondary to his arousal.

Eddie placed his hand squarely on Joshua’s vest, asking a question with his eyes, and Joshua stripped it off in a practiced motion. The moment they were apart from each other was excruciating but worth it when Joshua kissed him again and they were that much closer. The heat of Joshua’s body radiated out from him and Eddie felt it as he wrapped his arm back around him.

This kiss was hot and open-mouthed, the kind that was obscene in and of itself. Eddie was rock-hard and could feel Joshua’s cock with his thigh and bucked into it. Joshua exhaled forcefully and Eddie made an executive decision.

He pulled back and immediately pulled off his shirt, leaving him in just his jeans. He was sure his sweaty hair was standing up everywhere, but he didn't care. Eyes boring into Joshua’s he asked, “Do you want to have sex with me, Joshua?”

 _“Yes,”_ Joshua practically moaned, pulling his own shirt over his head. As it dropped on the ground Eddie fumbled with his belt and then kicked off his boots and jeans less gracefully than he would have liked before rushing back to Joshua.

He was stalled with a length of bandage in his hands, looking a bit as if he didn't know what to do with it. Eddie asked permission with his eyes, and when Joshua nodded his assent, he took the strip from him and began unwrapping it.

Inch by inch he revealed Joshua’s neck and chest, a watercolor of pinks and tans with such an incredible texture. With every wrap he unwound Eddie couldn't help but touch the flesh he uncovered, ecstatic at the opportunity to finally explore the topography of Joshua’s body.

When he reached the end of the first bandage he looked back up and started again where Joshua had pulled to expose his mouth. As he slowly revealed more of Joshua’s face Eddie couldn't stop himself from pressing his lips to every bump or valley of tissue he uncovered. His nose was partially flattened and his nostrils shaped strangely, and Eddie kissed the tip. Of course he was achingly familiar with Joshua’s eyes but seeing them as part of the whole was stunning, with folds of skin holding their shape and changing the landscape. Eddie’s thumb traced his cheekbone as he pulled away the last of the bandage, his other hand then finding the nape of his neck as he just stared at Joshua’s face.

“You don't have to pretend,” Joshua murmured. “I'm well aware of how I look.”

“You're perfect,” Eddie replied, stroking his cheekbone. “I'm so happy you let me do this.”

Joshua returned his stare for a moment before closing the distance between them.

Eddie had known he was gone on Joshua for a good long while, but his kiss was so raw, so full of naked emotion that the thought occurred to Eddie that he’d never be able to enjoy kissing anyone else again. Joshua’s tongue traced the seam of their lips and Eddie melted into him.

Joshua’s hands were making quick work of his remaining bandages, and Eddie fumbled with his belt buckle. At his clear frustration Joshua chuckled into their kiss and batted his hands away, taking care of it himself easily. As he pushed down his jeans they brushed Eddie’s cock, making his breath hitch and his grip on Joshua’s shoulder tighten.

Both of them nearly naked, Joshua broke apart and led them to his bed, a luxurious nest of furs lit by the flickering candlelight. Their clasped hands remained a burning point in Eddie’s awareness, all he could focus on. Joshua could have led him off a cliff and he wouldn't have noticed.

He couldn't keep his free hand from lightly stroking his cock as Joshua stripped off the rest of his bandages, letting Eddie’s gaze hungrily follow the pattern of scars up his thighs and to the straining tent of his erection. Joshua was still standing but Eddie dropped to his knees on the pile of furs, one hand eagerly attaching itself to Joshua’s ass while the other gripped Joshua’s shorts. He looked up for confirmation and met Joshua’s eyes, pupils blown, staring down at him as his own hands found Eddie’s shoulders, and that was all Eddie needed.

He pulled down his shorts and watched his cock bob free for a moment before moving in to kiss the tip lightly. He kissed along the length until he reached the root where he opened his mouth and let his tongue trace it. He stared back up at Joshua, who was making the most delicious noises, and marveled at how steady his legs still were. He should do something about that.

Eddie licked back to the tip of Joshua’s cock before taking it in his mouth. Joshua’s hands found and gripped his hair as Eddie pressed his tongue to the vein and hollowed his cheeks. He moved up and down, finding a rhythm as Joshua’s grip tightened. One of Eddie’s hands traced up the inside of Joshua’s thigh and cupped his balls.

His knees were shaking noticeably now, so Eddie pulled off most of the way and patted the fur in a way he hoped would communicate _get down here so we can get busy._ Joshua obliged, sinking to his knees, and Eddie went right back to work at his cock. When he took the whole thing in his mouth his nose pressed against Joshua’s skin where one would expect to find hair, but his burns prevented it. He found that no hair meant that he could touch more flesh, so he brought his hand to the base of Joshua’s cock and spread it, just enjoying being able to touch as much skin as he could. He loved the feel of it under his hand, the way the texture of his scars made his explorations exciting. Joshua quivered under his ministrations and when he shakily murmured, “Eddie, I'm getting-” he pulled off slowly, letting his tongue trail behind.

Joshua’s hands were still tightly fisted in his hair. Eddie lifted his head from Joshua’s cock, licking his lips and smiling wickedly, and reveled in the desperate expression on Joshua’s face. He leaned in and kissed Joshua deeply, knowing he could taste himself on his lips, and brought his hands to his shoulders. He pushed back gently and Joshua happily rearranged himself so he was on his back on the furs, very lightly stroking his cock. His other hand reached out and pulled Eddie down with him.

Their cocks brushed against each other and Joshua took them both in hand, his own still wet from Eddie’s mouth. He stroked them together, his hips thrusting an uneven rhythm. Eddie attached his mouth to Joshua’s neck, sucking and scraping his teeth against skin because it was all he could do. His hands pressed flat against Joshua’s chest, holding him in place and reveling in the glory of his heartbeat and breaths under his palms.

Joshua’s breathing was growing labored and Eddie knew he was hovering over the edge, so he brought one of his hands to join his and thrust into them harder. He lifted his head so that he was again face-to-face with Joshua and kissed him passionately, open-mouthed, as he thrust into his hand.

Joshua came with a cry, spilling his seed over their hands and his other arm wrapping desperately around Eddie’s shoulders. He watched his face the whole time, watching Joshua’s beautiful tightened expression as he worked through his orgasm. As his muscles relaxed and his arm bonelessly hugged Eddie close to him, Joshua opened his eyes to Eddie.

“I… apologize for-”

“No,” Eddie cut him off. “That was perfect. You're perfect.”

Joshua huffed, a smile playing at his lips. “I only meant that it's been a while for me.”

“I know. I hope this was a fun end to your celibacy,” Eddie said, a helpless grin on his face.

“Well, yes, but you didn't even finish. Some partner I am.”

“Joshua, do you have any idea how many times I've come from imagining what we just did?” Eddie stroked his cock a couple times. “More than I could count. Don't worry about it.”

“At least let me help,” he murmured as he returned his hand to its ministrations pumping Eddie’s cock, batting his hand away. Eddie couldn't help but buck into it, and Joshua smiled. Eddie realized he’d never really been able to see him smile before, and his heart melted into a puddle in his chest.

“Fuck,” he whimpered, finding himself at the edge. “You're so good.”

The way Joshua’s chuckle rumbled through his chest and by extension Eddie was the most magical thing he had ever felt. “I don't know if I'm that, but you certainly help me.”

Eddie nosed into the crook of Joshua’s shoulder as he came, his hips shuddering and sighing Joshua’s name. Joshua’s other hand stroked his hair lovingly, brushing it away from his face.

Collapsed on top of Joshua, naked and sweaty in a cave, Eddie thought this was the happiest he’d ever been. He stayed there breathing in Joshua’s scent for a moment before the drying cum on their stomachs urged him to roll over and grab his discarded shirt to clean them up. Joshua watched him lazily mop up before tossing it away again, and then he curled up at his side.

Eddie let his arm drape over Joshua’s chest as he laid there and looked at him. “What is it?” Joshua asked after a moment.

“I'm just real glad I came back is all,” Eddie murmured. “Glad to see you. Glad we did this.”

“I'm glad you came back as well.” Joshua said. He rolled toward Eddie so they faced each other, but they were positioned in such a way that Joshua could tuck the top of Eddie’s head under his chin. Eddie curled in further.

Now safe that he didn't have to meet Joshua’s eyes, Eddie was able to say, “I think I'm in love with you, Joshua.”

He didn't respond initially, but did squeeze Eddie tighter. After a moment he said, “I won't dishonor your choice by doubting it, Eduardo.” His voice rumbled through everywhere they touched, and Joshua stroked his hair. “I try every day to be worthy of the second chance I was blessed with, and I will try to be worthy of what you've now gifted me. I only hope that you don't find my response lackluster.”

“Never, as long as you know that to me, you'll always be worthy.”

Joshua huffed a laugh into his hair. “I wonder at the futility of working to redeem oneself in the eyes of someone to whom you can do no wrong, but I suppose that can be a discussion for another time.”

Eddie’s smile was hidden where it pressed against Joshua’s chest, but he was sure he could feel it. “I think it's time for a nap instead.”

“I agree.” Joshua kept stroking his hair until Eddie drifted off, knowing that he would still be there when he woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @ thomrainierskies.tumblr.com


End file.
